"When we discovered Prince Harry proposed over a roast chicken, we simply had to show our support for the big occasion."
In the latest case of bollocks royal wedding tie-ins, KFC has announced its 'highly sought after' Royal Wedding Bucket. Harry and Meghan, you see, are crazy about chicken — although we'd guess the People's Couple prefer cord-fed, organic chicken with a scholarship from Eton, to whatever mentally scarred grey matter it is that KFC uses in its own recipes.
KFC describes the royal vessel thus:
...lavish and regal in its design, featuring a bespoke crest inspired by timeless commemorative memorabilia, but with a modern KFC twist. Featuring resplendent gold flourishes, the bucket is embellished with a classic regal crest, proudly adorned with both British and American flags.
The timeless look will be finished off by stuffing said container with miscellaneous dead poultry parts. Chicken, we presume, although deep fried swan would surely be more fitting.
Only 50 of the commemorative buckets will be available (awww) — and all of them from Windsor's Dedworth Road KFC this Saturday. We can, at least, think of some people who might be eager to get their hands on them: those lucky wedding guests who've been requested to bring their own picnics.
In other royal wedding cash-ins, McVitie's has announced the launch of its limited edition royal wedding chocolate digestive. We'll let them off for that one: McVitie's is a British Royal Warrant holder, and made Liz and Phil's wedding cake from Rich tea biscuits in 1947 — as well as Prince William's groom cake in 2011.