Things To Do This Week In London: 14-20 May 2018

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All week

The Southbank Centre celebrates growing old disgracefully.

LONDON WINE WEEK: Grab a £10 digital pass and get your mitts on exclusive tasting flights for a fiver, sip and snack pairings, and plenty more grape-based shenanigans this London Wine Week. The heart of the action is at the Drink Up hub, where you can sample this summer's must-have white port and tonic aperitif, or grab a glass of pink fizz from Frexeinet's vintage van. Various locations, from £10, book ahead, 14-20 May

B(OLD) FESTIVAL: Southbank Centre is celebrating ageing and creativity in a week of vibrant programming from artists aged 65 and over. Fashionista Zandra Rhodes kicks off proceedings by raising exclusively designed flags to the roof of the Royal Festival Hall. Other highlights include a chat with nonagenarian author and creator of Mog Judith Kerr, a performance from legendary drag queen Lavinia Co-op, and a free seven hour tea dance party to celebrate the royal wedding. Southbank Centre, various prices, book ahead for some events, 14-20 May

LIVE FRENCH LITERATURE: Go Beyond Words at a festival that brings together writers, actors, musicians and historians for a week bursting with live literature events. Take a walk through Parisian history, or see a Veronique Aubouy's heroic attempt at a TL;DR version of Proust's gargantuan In Search of Lost Time. Institut Français (South Kensington), from £7, book ahead, 6pm-9pm, 14 May-21 May

Monday 14 May

See visionary choreographers set the Ignition Dance Festival aflame.

VINHO VERDE: When it comes to wine, green is the new white. Sample a summery selection of Vinho Verde while taking in panoramic city views at Skyloft. Masterchef finalists Three Girls Cook will be serving light seasonal bites to match one of Portugal's signature tipples. The View at Skyloft (Westminster), £10, book ahead, 6pm-8pm

SINGLES LIFE DRAWING: If you're after a singles night with a bit of twist, this one guarantees that — whatever happens — you'll end up seeing at least one naked person. Fret not, it's nothing too steamy. Simply bond with fellow singletons as you try your hand at life-drawing. Drink, Shop & Do (King's Cross), £18, book ahead, 7pm-9pm

DANCE FESTIVAL: Prepare to be dazzled by a vibrant programme from visionary choreographers who strut their stuff for some of the world's leading dance companies. After the show, the winners of the coveted Ignition Dance Festival choreographic commissions are announced — meaning you get a sneak peek at the dancing legends of tomorrow. Lyric (Hammersmith), £10, book ahead, 7.30pm-9pm

Tuesday 15 May

Find your inner Zen with a mega meditation session from Will Williams.

MASS MEDITATION: Visit a legendary London nightclub without the looming threat of a post-party hangover. In fact, this evening at Fabric is shaping up to be just what the doctor ordered. Leading meditation expert Will Williams has organised a giant guided meditation session, with all proceeds going to mental health charity CALM. You'll also enjoy exclusive DJ sets and take a sound bath with nutrition expert Jasmine Hemsley. Fabric (Clerkenwell), £16, book ahead, 6.30pm-8.30pm

FODDER SUPER CLUB: Fine dining goes wild at pop up restaurant Fodder. Enjoy a five course menu (plus gin and a couple of surprises) at this one-off supper club with artisan preservers Newton + Pott that celebrates the best of British produce. Great Guns Social (Borough), £45, book ahead, 7pm

RIGHT BETWEEN YOUR EARS: How do humans mistake their own beliefs for objective truth? Find out by getting inside their heads this screening of documentary film Right Between Your Ears, followed by a Q&A with producer-director Sheila Marshall and neuroscientist Kris De Meyer. The Royal Institution, from £10, book ahead, 7pm-8pm

LA YEGROS: All hail the Queen of Nu Cumbia, who brings Argentinean folk traditions, cutting edge beats and punk attitude to The Jazz Cafe. She's joined by London's very own Cumbian septet Malphino. Jazz Cafe (Camden) £14, book ahead, 7pm-11pm

Wednesday 16 May

Experience the sensuality of Edo era Japan.

FAST AND LOUCHE: Step back in time to postwar Soho, where Antony Robbins, former creative director the Museum of London, leads a talk on a neighbourhood in flux that had a huge cultural impact on the gay experience. National Theatre (Southbank), £7, book ahead, 5.30pm-6.30pm

PUNS AND PIZZA: Two hilarious comedians and free pizza? It may sound too good to be true, but Laura Lexx and Jessica Fostekew's double bill is the real deal. Just try not to choke on your mozzarella as you chortle and chew your way through the night. The Bill Murray (Islington), £6, book ahead, 7pm-9.45pm

FLOATING WORLD: Prudes, look away now. The Floating World is inviting you to take an immersive look into the erotic Japanese art of Shunga. Explore the hedonism and unabashed naughtiness of Edo era Japan, dress up in full kimono, and create a unique illustration using a Japanese calligraphy pen. The Lacey Nook (Stoke Newington), £45, book ahead, 7pm-10.30pm, until 17 May

SPECTACULAR CINEMA: Fancy yourself as a bit of a super-sleuth? Don your classiest 1930s garms and unleash your inner Hercule Poirot or Miss Marple at a screening of Murder on the Orient Express where wacky tasks and cryptic clues will help lead you to the murderer. Amersham Arms (New Cross), £15, book ahead, 7pm-10.30pm

Thursday 17 May

Grab some money, plenty of money and travel to where the Bong-trees grow.

OWL AND THE PUSSYCAT: Journey to a dolomphious world on a beautiful pea green boat at a magical theatre show inspired by Edward Lear's beloved children's tale. Suitable for owlets aged 3+. Half Moon Theatre (Tower Hamlets), £7, book ahead, 1.30pm, until 21 May

KINGSTON BEER FEST: Choose from 60 real ales, or 12 ciders and perries if your prefer lighter libations, at the 19th Kingston Beer & Cider Festival. If you join CAMRA while you're there you'll rewarded for your commitment to this noble cause with two free pints. Kingston Workmen's Club and Institute (Kingston), £3, just turn up, 5pm-11pm, until 19 May

STREET FOOD AND SCREENING: Start your adventure with cocktails and street food in the Brunel Museum garden, before descending into the world’s oldest railway tunnel shaft for a film screening. How’s that for a cinema experience? Brunel Museum (Rotherhithe), £25, book ahead, 6.30pm-10pm (partner)

MUSO: Something's a-stirring after dark at Grant Museum of Zoology. Could it be the bats, beasties or birds getting ready for their evening chorus? Not quite — it's the world's only improvising opera troupe who have snuck in under the cover of twilight to sing the specimens back to life. Grant Museum of Zoology (Bloomsbury), £8, book ahead, 7pm-9pm

THE GOOD PLACE: Find out how authors throughout history have used the theme of utopia to express political ideas. You'll begin with the father of the term, Thomas More, whose intentionally ambiguous neologism signifies both a good place and an impossible one. City Lit (Covent Garden), £9, book ahead, 7.40pm-9pm

Friday 18 May

A night of 18th century frivolity awaits at the Handel & Hendrix Museum.

LATE NIGHT KEATS: Take a twilight tour of the house where hopeless Romantic John Keats wrote some of his most iconic poems. To mark the bicentenary of Endymion, Keats House will be hosting pop-up poetry sessions, live music, and they'll even throw in a complimentary cocktail Keats House (Hamsptead), £25, book ahead, 7pm-9pm

THE MAY FAYRE: Handel & Hendrix are recreating Brook Street's 18th century May Fayre across three floors of their eclectic musical museum. You'll be greeted by a performance of Baroque operatic pieces celebrating the coming of spring before heading upstairs to sketch curious characters and macabre marionettes. Then you'll ascend the final staircase to hear English chanteuse Olivia Chaney perform an acoustic set in Jimi Hendrix's bedroom. Handel & Hendrix in London, (Mayfair), £20, book ahead, 7pm-10pm

RADICAL SUPERJAM: Over half a century's worth of outspoken wordsmiths are coming to The British Library to celebrate the potency of words. See the legendary Harlem-hailing, politically-charged poetry collective The Last Poets, alongside Blur's Damon Albarn, Graham Coxon, spoken world artist Salena Godden and many, many more. The British Library (Euston), £25, book ahead, 7.30pm-11pm

VINERY LONDON: Visit a Berlin-style honesty bar where you'll pay just a tenner to try a selection of wines served up by a professional sommelier, nibble on fine bread and cheese, and then make a donation based on how much you rated the night. Syrup of Soot (Bloomsbury), £10, book ahead, 8pm-12am

Saturday 19 May

Channel Frida Kahlo at a blooming marvelous interactive exhibition.

ROYAL WEDDING: Unless you've been living under a rock for the past few months, you might have heard that today's the day, that Harry and Meghan tie the knot. Here's our guide to what's going on.

FRIDA'S PARLOUR: Delve into the vibrant world of the one and only Frida Kahlo at an interactive installation the echoes Nickolas Muray's iconic photo of the artist on the white bench. You'll get to take your own Frida-inspired selfie and partake in jewellery making or a Mexican cocktail masterclass in the Casa Azul-inspired main room. (Belgravia), free entry, book ahead for workshops, 10am-6pm, until 16 June

RIGHT ROYAL BRUNCH: Watch the royal wedding in style at The Water Poet. You can even purchase your own Ginger Groom (a cocktail, not your very own prince charming), or graze on their signature brunch favourites like eggs royale, Eton mess and English sparkling wine jelly. The Water Poet (Spitalfields), brunch from £17, just turn up, 11am-2pm

SLIME PLANET: Your little monsters will love this workshop dedicated to all things slime. Not only can they make their own, adding in extras like glitter, foam beads and pretty scents, they'll get introduced to butter, fluffy and even snotty varieties of the stuff before they qualify as certified slime scientists. Good Hope Cafe (Lewisham), £12.50, book ahead, 1pm-4pm

BREADBOARD MUSEUM: Here's a niche museum experience if ever we did see one. Putney local Madeleine Neave runs The Antique Breadboard Museum out of her own reception room, and invites you to take a look at her collection while enjoying an English Cream Tea — served off your favourite breadboard, no less. The Antique Breadboard Museum (Putney), £20, book ahead, 2.30pm-4.30pm

A NEW KIND OF DATING: Tired of swiping, mindless chit-chat and awkward first dates? Tantra Speed Date, a unique relationship skills session, will help you get to know other single Londoners through playful, guided exercises. Good Vibes Studios (Covent Garden), £25-50, book ahead, 4.30pm-7pm (sponsor)

Sunday 20 May

Take a leaf out of the Urban Tree Festival's book.

PIZZA RUN: Eat pizza, raise money for charity, and run 5k all at the same time — who says multitasking can't be fun? You'll get handed slices of pizza to keep your strength up as your power through the course (or opt to collect them at the end if you want to avoid a serious case indigestion). Don't miss the after-party at the finish line. Mudchute Park, £20, book ahead, 11am-1pm

TREE-SURE HUNT: Hunt for treasure while putting your tree knowledge to the test in the grounds of the Imperial War Museum. You'll be handed a unique make-your-own identification guide and learning journal to help you out. Imperial War Museum (Lambeth), £10, book ahead, 2pm-3.30pm

SHIFTLESS SHUFFLE DANCE CLASS: Learn the intricate footwork and drop moves that make up street fusion jazz dance with dancers from the JazzCotech, who have boogied with the likes of Incognito and James Brown. Once you've mastered the moves, you'll let loose at a raucous five hour club session. Trapeze (Old Street), £7, just turn up, 2pm-8pm

Fun things to do with our friends and sponsor Funzing...

Lost London Walking Tour


London is a city of incredible transformation. With structural remains that date back to ancient history still in existence, this unique walking tour takes in Lost London in all its former glory. From the Titanic booking office to the graveyards of man's best friend, you'll discover the weird and wonderful places that used to exist in the capital but are now only committed to memory. Using old photographs, newspaper cuttings and stories from the past, you'll be amazed at what has largely been written out of our history books...   Get tickets

The London Cheese Crawl


Whether you’re a pre-grated cheddar sprinkler or mimolette fan, this cheesy walking tour will delight your senses. Starting off at a cheese counter in Mayfair that has been serving for more than 300 years, you'll tour the city's best dairy delights - including Fortnum & Mason, where the royals get their fix.   Get tickets

Paddle Boarding in East London - Beginners


Take to the waters and glide about in this beginner paddleboarding session. By the end of it, you'll be standing up and paddling solo, and there's plenty of help on hand to improve your technique. Change of clothes required.  Get tickets

The British Museum Tour - Ideas That Made Our World


Track the journey of humanity through this tour around the British Museum. The tour aims to help you understand why the world is the way it is, and show how humans learned to question absolutely everything. Get tickets